God
If I could go back
I wont their tears falls down again
If I could go back
I wont the same thing that happened to me
will happen to anyone else
God
May I write a letter to you?
God...
May I ask a little thing from you?
God...
Let me see with my own eyes
For looking sky and moon everyday
God...
Let me have my hair grow up again so I can
become a real woman
God...
Could I smiled longer
So I can give my happiness for my dad and my
friends
God...
Give me power to grow up
So I can give the meaning of life for anybody
who know me
God...
This little letter
Is my last letter in my life
If I could go back
I learned
something from that story and especially from that poem. Sometime, when the time comes, and we have no more
second to life. The problem is we’ll never know when we’ll die, where we’ll
spend our last time and with who we’ll face the last days in our life.
But in some
cases, some people will know when the will die because of their doctor
prediction for their disease and this is
ever happened in Keke’s life.
Lets go in this story . . .
I imagine
when I have a perfect life in my version and I should face the extreme change because of a disease which is ruin my face and kill me slowly. I have a family
although its already broken. I live with my dad and my two older brothers. They
are so busy, but I know one thing; they love me so much especially my dad. My
mom? Sometime I meet my mom if I miss her.
My disease
comes when I just feel something wrong with my eyes. Its reddish. But I know
something goes wrong when I found clot as big as tennis balls and slowly its
getting bigger as coconuts. It would made me ashamed. I will be inferior to
meet with everyone, friends and especially the people I love.
I don’t know
what does it feels when I should face the reality if I got cancer, very
dangerous cancer. My doctor calls it Rabdomiosarcoma. Its attack tissues in my right
chick. I know my dad gives me a smile, but a second after that smile I know it
was fake. The most excruciating feeling is when we know the people we love sad
because to think about us.
My dad was
so worrying me. Sometime he blame himself because he thoughts if this bad thing happened to me because of
karma. I know he has problem with his business because of my medical payment. He
tried to heal me with chemotherapy and it was so expensive. The effect of
chemotherapy that lasted only a few months. After that my face back like before
I have chemo and I felt its getting worse. My hair started falling out. Now, I
have no single hair on my scalp. I don’t want to see the world, I just too
ashamed. Especially to Andy.
Andy, my
first boyfriend and I think he’s the last. I love him, and probably he loves me.
But I hate it, he so patient accept my condition just the way I am. He kept coming to the my house or to the
hospital just to get me.
I asked him
to leave me, but he never heard it. I do not know how it feels when he sees my
face like this. Its seems more like witch than a girl. I want him to get love
from others are better than me but once again, he wont.
My doctor told me if I
only have three months away. Initially I felt very sad. But over the time I
realized that maybe this is my way. I wont to burden my father who had to work
hard every day just to see me get well. After that maybe I will not see my
family fight again.
I'd be more appreciative
my time. I appreciate everyone around me. I would feel so close to them. I want
to do everything. I want to fulfill my childhood dreams before my time comes.
And finally I realized
one thing, I just want to see my family together again. I want to see my
father, my mother and my brother get along again.
I know now, when we have
limit time to life we will forget something that we thought it was important
before just like money or win a lottery. We will prefer to spend our last time
in the middle of our lovely family, friends and our love. And the most
important is a second that already we passed because we will never back in that time.
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